How to Choose the Right Counsellor for You: Finding Someone You Feel Comfortable With.

You’ve been sitting with this for a while. Everyone thinks you’re okay and, on the outside, you’re ticking along — but inside, you’re struggling. Maybe you’ve tried talking to a friend, only to feel judged or misunderstood. So now you’ve decided to look for a counsellor. But where do you start?

Like most people, you search online. A few websites and counselling directories come up, but there are so many counsellors to choose from. They all sound qualified and supportive, and it can quickly start to feel confusing.

How do you know which counsellor will be right for you?

It’s not about finding the most qualified counsellor; it’s about finding the best fit for you.

Begin by thinking about you.

It can be easy to get caught up looking at a counsellor’s qualifications or comparing prices. But before you get to that, think about what you need.

What helps you to feel comfortable? What would help you to talk freely?

We’re all different and we all need different things.

Would you like a counsellor who offers a lot of structure, asking questions and looking at things from different angles?

Or would you like someone who lets you talk and gives you more space to reflect?

Maybe the thought of sitting in a room with a counsellor feels a little uncomfortable, or perhaps you spend a lot of time indoors and would like something a bit different. A counsellor who offers walk-and-talk therapy might be worth a try. You might feel more comfortable walking side by side.

Or maybe you’d like a counsellor who works creatively, using art or movement.

There is no right or wrong way, it’s about doing what’s right for you.

Qualifications are important but they are not everything

Yes, it is important to find a qualified counsellor who is registered with a professional body such as the BACP or NCPS. It can start to feel overwhelming when looking for a counsellor, as many will have similar qualifications and be similarly priced.

Focusing on practicalities such as qualifications, experience, cost and location is a good starting point. But what usually makes the biggest difference is the counsellor themselves.

The relationship you have with your counsellor is often considered an important factor in how successful your counselling is. This is why it’s important to choose someone you feel comfortable with. When you’re reading websites, are you getting a sense of how the counsellor might be?

Get a feel for who they are

This is someone you are going to open up to. You might say things you’ve never said before — things that feel painful, shameful or very personal.

This is why it’s helpful to get a sense of the person.  Do they sound friendly and approachable? Do they sound like someone who might challenge you a little? Do they use humour? Can you imagine yourself talking to them? Do you like to swear? Would you feel comfortable swearing in front of them? Counselling isn’t about censoring yourself, it’s about feeling like you can be you.

My clients tell me that they like how relaxed I am, and how it feels more like a conversation than an interrogation! I also like to use a little humour when appropriate; counselling sessions don’t need to feel heavy for the whole session. Humour is important: it can offer a new perspective, normalise things or simply give us a breather when things are weighing us down. This style might not be for everyone, and that’s okay!

Imagine yourself with the counsellor

When you’re looking at a website or profile, it can be helpful to spend a few moments imagining what it would be like to be with the counsellor.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Is this someone I would feel comfortable with?
• Could I imagine myself talking openly to them?
• Do I feel like they might understand what I’m going through?

You can’t know exactly what it will feel like to be with them but noticing your reactions to those questions can be useful. Listen to your gut, what’s it telling you?

There’s no such thing as the perfect counsellor (as far as I know!)

It can feel like a lot of pressure to find the right counsellor. You might want to narrow it down to three, and most counsellors will be happy to have a quick chat with you if you’d like. Or you might want to dive right in, book a session and see what happens. After that session, you might decide the counsellor isn’t the right fit, and that’s okay. This isn’t about finding the perfect counsellor; it’s about finding someone you feel comfortable sharing your story with, whose approach feels like the one that makes sense to you.

Ready to find out if I’m the right counsellor for you?

If this sounds like the kind of counselling relationship you’re looking for, I’d be happy to hear from you. You can contact me to ask any questions, book an introductory chat, or simply get a feel for whether working together might be right for you.