Ways to Build Self-Esteem
What Is Self-Esteem?
Low self-esteem gets talked about a lot, but what does it actually mean?
Self-esteem is based on your opinions and beliefs about yourself. Sometimes, these beliefs feel so ingrained that they seem impossible to change.
“Your self-esteem can shape how you see yourself, the choices you make, and how you interact with the world.”
It influences whether you take risks, how assertive you are, and how compassionate you are toward yourself.
Think about how you treat yourself when you make a mistake. Do you blame yourself unfairly and think you’re a bad person? Or do you see yourself as someone who made a mistake, learned from it and moved on? Do you believe you matter? That your needs are worth prioritising?
Hidden Signs of Low Self-Esteem
Certain things we do, sometimes without even realising it, are signs of low self-esteem. They might seem harmless to the outside world but could be telling a deeper story.
1. Using Humour
Do you often make yourself the punchline? If deep down you don’t think much of yourself, it can be easy to turn yourself into a joke before anyone else does. On the other hand, maybe your humour leans towards putting others down. Sometimes, people use humour as a weapon to make someone else look bad in the hope that it makes them look better.
2. Saying Sorry Too Much
Do you apologise even when you haven’t done anything wrong? Almost as if you’re apologising for taking up space? If you grew up feeling unwanted or as if your needs didn’t matter, you might have carried that feeling into adulthood.
3. Avoiding New Things
Do you love a challenge, or do you avoid trying new things in case you fail? Maybe you were teased as a child for getting something wrong or you had an embarrassing experience that stuck with you. Low self-esteem often takes root in childhood and can make new experiences feel too risky.
4. Withdrawing from Friends and Family
Low self-esteem can lead to anxiety or depression and this might lead you to isolate yourself from friends and family. If you don’t feel good enough, social situations might feel overwhelming, so you withdraw instead. Staying home might feel safer but it can also reinforce negative beliefs.
How to Boost Your Self-Esteem
If you struggle with self-esteem, it might feel like nothing will change but it can, with time and self-compassion. Here are some small steps to start boosting your self-esteem.
1. Challenge Your Inner Critic
Start noticing when you’re being harsh on yourself. Would you speak to a friend that way? Hopefully not! If someone spoke to your friend like that, you’d probably stand up for them!
“Try offering yourself the same kindness and encouragement you would give a friend.”
2. Pay Attention to How People Make You Feel
After spending time with someone, do you feel drained or more insecure? If so, consider limiting your time with them. On the flip side, are there people who lift you up and make you feel good? Spend more time with them! Observe what they do; are they assertive? Do they set boundaries? What can you learn from them?
3. Do More of What You Enjoy
What makes you feel good? It doesn’t have to be something big; I like to belt out power ballads in the car, or go for a walk or run, or spend time with a friend. Even small things can boost your mood and remind you of your own worth.
4. Set Small, Achievable Challenges
Building confidence doesn’t have to mean taking huge leaps. Start small. Make eye contact with a cashier, perhaps try some small talk or go to a new exercise class. Try something a little out of your comfort zone and do it a few times. Small steps add up to big changes over time.
When Extra Support Can Help
If you feel stuck, counselling can be a great way to start shifting negative beliefs. A counsellor can help you notice unhelpful thought patterns, challenge them and offer an alternative perspective. They can also offer tools to help you cope, set realistic goals and build a greater sense of self-worth.
If this blog has resonated with you and you’d like extra support with your self-esteem get in touch with me using the button below to find out more.
